This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
