Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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