what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
