wakey wakey hands off snakey
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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