I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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