Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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