Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
