also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
birth control should be required to get into college
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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