I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
