some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
