I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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