When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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