stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
