I'm so fucking centered right now
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
