Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
