I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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