Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
