Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
