I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
