You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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