Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
