i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
