i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
