You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
