just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
