why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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