i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
