you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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