I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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