Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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