Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
