I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
