By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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