You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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