Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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