I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
