booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
