Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
