Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
