Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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