And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
