I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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