You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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