just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
