Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Found the puke drawer
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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