i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
