wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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