I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
