nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
