Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
