i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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