It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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