I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
