This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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